And Choke

I know you want to hear me speak
But I'm afraid
So I'll stand there babbling about nothing
Smiling daftly
Because I don't think I can say anything
Or you'll fade
So I'll be worse off than ever before
Even when I was mad at you
Because I'm so scared and I don't want you to see
I'm afraid you'll leave
I'd be more alone than ever whish is scarier still
No one could imagine
If I speak, I'll only succeed in casting myself off...
...Into that...lonesome void
And I wonder what you see, what you think
When you look at me
What vile thoughts and comments you choke down
To save me
What 'go aways' I'm just not picking up
And staying
I just want to curl up in a ball sometimes
While I wait for your call
A call that won't be coming for me
Because I am daft
So I can only wish I could really speak
And not choke...