Looking In

I feel like I'm outside looking in
And no matter how hard I try
I can't believe that's all okay
That fitting in doesn't matter
Even after all I said about it
Because I want people to notice me
So I don't fade into the scenery
And have it all pass me by
Without even a glance in my direction
So I can feel I'm not a waste
And that I'm complete...whole
It's amazing how alone I can feel
How small and unworthy and isolated
Just how stupid I can call myself
How insane and pathetic I am
How I can tell myself this
And then even start to believe it all
I get to the point where I'm drowning
Where I can't keep my head up
And I want to give in after everything
Because I don't have the strength
I can't fight the voices anymore
While they laugh at you and me
They pick my life apart and chuck it
They fight me and each other and I can't take it
So I stop arguing and listen to them talk
Until I hate you and me and everything
I hate it all and the glass becomes half empty
I wish that I didn't have to hide
While I ponder telling someone, anyone
The voices laugh and talk some more
"He'll never get it, no one will ever understand
They'll all laugh at you, we're your only friends"
Will they ever leave me alone?
Will I ever get to tell you what I want to?
Or am I destined to be outside
Looking in, forever, being laughed at?
Would you really understand?
Or are these voices...am I...right?
They're really the pieces of me that hate me
They'll never love me, not even like me
Nor will they ever compliment me
Or tell me I not as stupid as I think
They will never say they're sorry and mean it
Or admit they lied or were wrong
And they will never feel sorrow or joy
They will never know why it hurts
But even so, why it's worth every second anyway
Why I try to hold on so hard
Why I'll always be outside looking in