My Eyes-01.11.02-For everyone but kind of directed to Eric and Zabee.  Yeah.  Now I have to disappear for saying that...

My eyes burn and my head throbs

What was going through my head?

I can only try and name it

So I might be wrong then

I name it and give it form

I give it a case for existing

I give it something to feed upon

I give it my soul to fill its appetite

Then it grows and wants--needs--more

I am merely its vessel

Or so I tell myself so I can sleep at night

But still, it does have control of me

And it sees you to lash out at

Semi-permanently attaching itself

To pull you down the rabbit hole

Into a spiraling darkness

Like water rushing down a drain

I decide belatedly that it can't have you

It already has me trapped

Even if it has its horrific grip on me

It hasn't got that grip on you yet

I push you out and away

So you aren't consumed by it too

I'm lonely now but that matters not

You're free and that matters

I assure you, I'm not being histrionic

I'm not even trying to be quixotic

It's actually the practical thing to do

I'm not being selfless or selfish

I'm being selfish in that It's mine

The anger, depression, and pain is mine

It's selfish not to share so I'm selfish

It can't have you or anyone else I decide

So I guess that's a little selfless

They must balance out I figure

But still, it doesn't have you

You still have your future ahead

Live for me, like Wyatt for Doc

For I think I've died inside

Lastly, before I get a chance to forget

I'm sorry for all those things left unsaid

The void is calling again, denied its prey

I feign the last smile I ever will for you

Well, it's not that bad and it is my penance

I knew it would come for me eventually

But...I wasn't quite ready to go yet